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For a foreigner visiting the Philippines for the first time, many Filipino practices might seem outright strange (The roaring jeepneys! Cigarettes sold by the stick! Too much texting!) and it is easy to err and, perhaps, cause the amusement of some locals. But this really should not worry the foreign traveler; Filipinos are a considerate people – perhaps more so here in Davao – and we would be all-too willing to guide you on how to do things our way.

Now, perhaps the customs that you, the foreigner, need to familiarize first is that of Filipino dining because eating, as it is in most cultures, is a central social activity here in the Philippines. You may measure your acceptance in a family or group – if you are sensitive enough – by how you are treated during meal. So in order to acquaint you to our “ways of eating,” I have listed here some of the things you may wonder about during mealtime and the answers to each of them.

(Note that the imagined setting here is in a Filipino home and not in a restaurant.)

Should I act here as I would in Rome?

Not necessarily. The adage “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” applies here only to an extent. For example, you may remain using your utensils even when the locals are eating by their hands — we have certain foods which we think are more savored when eaten by hand — but you, being an honored guest, must always eat in the same table as the host. When in doubt, you can always ask the person nearest to you how you should proceed. Also, it would be better to have a close friend to serve as your liaison to the rest of the group.

What time should I arrive?

The more intimate the social gathering, the more one is expected to arrive on time. Although certain cliques may find it chic to come in late, arriving at the appointed time is never an offense. Curiously though, even if Filipinos are said to be always late in arriving, we always prepare for people to arrive on time. See also, The Filipino Time article.

Should I bring anything?

Anything would be welcome, although some gifts may be more appreciated than others. Wine may not be a very good idea since only a small percentage of Filipinos really enjoy the liquor. Local fruits may also not have a lot of impact; chances are your hosts already have some chilling in the fridge. The safest thing to bring is perhaps some sweets/chocolates, or better yet, something you made yourself with a recipe from your home country. (Note that guests are not really required to bring anything, your gift is only a token of your appreciation for being invited, a form of giving back.)

Why is everyone fussing over me?

Relax — it’s just how we are. Filipinos are known to be accommodating, so just enjoy the attention. We give special treatments to our guests, and to foreigners more so. Expect to be offered the first piece, slice, or serving of everything on the table, and if you finish your food quickly, get ready for a second helping. Don’t hesitate to make requests — but do say so politely — and accept offers with grace and humility.

Would anybody mind if I smoke?

Actually, yes. Cigarettes are a lot cheaper here than in some other countries, and this might tempt the smoker to horde up and puff away. Pay attention, however, to where you smoke: only do it outside of the house or in allotted areas. (Also, refrain from doing it while in a large crowd or in public since Davao has an anti-smoking city ordinance.)

Is it safe to eat this bloody little thing over here?

It depends: do you have a strong stomach? Filipino cuisine may not be the best Asia has to offer, but we do come up with some of the most interesting foods (the balut, adidas, and papait, for example). So if you have a sense of adventure — and the gastronomic tolerance to match it with — then feel free to try all the culinary wonders (in terms of being exotic, that is) that may grace your table. Who knows, you might even develop a liking.

Who pays for what?

In a home setting, the hosts normally provide for everything — from the welcome beverage to the dessert. The guest is only required to bring some good humor and a sense of appreciation. However, if you are visiting a family or group that is not very well-to-do, it is not impolite to slip in some cash to the host to help with the expenses. (Just practice this with discretion, as Filipinos are easily embarrassed.)

When dining in a restaurant, on the other hand, it is often the one who invites who pays for the meal.

What’s after dinner?

There is what we locally call painom, or the drinking session. In this particular form of socializing, it is expected for the guest — or the cause of the celebration — to be the sponsor, as a way for him to show his gratitude. Although the ladies may not join in, few men would refuse to take part in this activity. For Filipinos, the importance of drinking in a group is perhaps indicated by the preferred “family size” bottle, which everybody takes turns to drink from, underscoring how drinking goes beyond just the imbibing of drink — it celebrates social intercourse.

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“Who Pays For What?” And Other Mealtime Queries is written by Gabriel Millado.

After your stint overseas, it may be time for you to come back to your hometown, be it for a vacation or for good. Do you remember the difficulties you had when you first left home? The truth is, many people find that coming back home is just as difficult as, if not more than, arriving at and settling in a new country.

Once you come back home, you will probably look at the little details of your previous lifestyle and make comparisons in pretty much the same way you did when you came to your new country. All the differences you notice, between your original home and your new one, may become overwhelming for you. For example, having lived in Singapore for a few years, every time I came back home to Davao, it wasn’t very easy dealing with how laidback the lifestyle and atmosphere at home was. It wasn’t like it was a bad thing, it was just so… different!

You probably changed a great deal while you were away, and it won’t be easy for your family and friends to accept and comprehend these changes. Furthermore, you may find that it’s not just you who has changed—your loved ones, the people in your life, your old surroundings: you may not have anticipated that they could change too.

You now face the difficulty of re-adjusting to your old home while longing for the friends and experiences you had and left behind. Your family and old friends may not seem as keen on knowing about your life overseas as you feel they should be, and this could cause frustration especially when you are unable to adequately describe and explain your experience abroad.

Exposure to a different culture and environment, unfamiliar behavior, ideas and norms — this leads you to re-examine your own culture and identity. It could result in a slightly or even completely different perception of your home city or country, with either a more negative or positive attitude, perhaps even both.

What, then, is the best way to deal with reverse culture shock?

Every individual will have their own way of coping with readjustment and reintegration, but these are a few tips that can be useful for anyone:

1. Find a something similar or familiar. If you are missing certain activities, habits, places or a particular atmosphere from abroad, it will probably be worth your while if you look for something similar back in your hometown. It can be a park, beach or district that resembles a certain spot you used to frequent abroad, or a restaurant that serves your favorite foreign food — it can even be a video rental store that carries films from your adopted country! Of course it’s not likely that you will find the exact same thing you are missing, but it may be enough to fill this “empty space”!

2. Be interesting and be interested. Your friends and family may not be giving you attention the way you would like, and may not seem that interested in hearing about your life overseas. If this is the case, maybe you need to take another approach in telling your story. Explain the changes and adjustment you had to undergo in terms that they are familiar with and/or can definitely understand. For example, you can give descriptive nicknames for some of the friends or people you met abroad, to make them more memorable and interesting. Or, when narrating events, try to compare them to other events that your family and friends can relate to. It’s not very helpful and remarkable if all you can say is “I had a great time, you had to be there to understand.” Try your best to explain away! For example: “The first time I (tried a certain delicacy) (visited a place) it was like (this other time when you did something back home) (a cross between one familiar thing and another).” Pull your listeners into the story, and get them to ask more questions. Also, it’s very important to remember that these people have probably changed the whole time you were away too. Make sure to let them know you’re interested in hearing their own stories as well.

3. Tell the world you are coming back home. Do you feel out of touch with the new friends you left behind? Chances are, they’re probably waiting to hear from you and are eager to know that you arrived safely back home. Take the initiative: let them know you miss them, describe the things and activities that keep you busy, tell them about the unexpected difficulties and changes that you are encountering. Keep up with the times by checking our online newspapers or news sites from overseas. If you had an employer you were fond of, let him or her know how you are doing and what your plans are for the future. Don’t wait for them to contact you!

4. Meet a person with similar experience overseas. Talk to other people you know who have also returned after spending much time abroad and who may be undergoing the same feelings and difficulties you’re having. They may be able to share some advice and encouraging words.

Don’t forget, some of the tips in dealing with the initial culture shock (refer to previous Culture Shock article) are relevant to reverse culture shock as well.

Once again, solutions to reverse culture shock are abundant and unique to each individual. Perhaps the most important thing is to remember that the time and experiences you had abroad were well-spent, and have shaped you into the unique and interesting person you are now!

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This article on Reverse Culture Shock is written by Katlyn Batuigas.