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For a foreigner visiting the Philippines for the first time, many Filipino practices might seem outright strange (The roaring jeepneys! Cigarettes sold by the stick! Too much texting!) and it is easy to err and, perhaps, cause the amusement of some locals. But this really should not worry the foreign traveler; Filipinos are a considerate people – perhaps more so here in Davao – and we would be all-too willing to guide you on how to do things our way.

Now, perhaps the customs that you, the foreigner, need to familiarize first is that of Filipino dining because eating, as it is in most cultures, is a central social activity here in the Philippines. You may measure your acceptance in a family or group – if you are sensitive enough – by how you are treated during meal. So in order to acquaint you to our “ways of eating,” I have listed here some of the things you may wonder about during mealtime and the answers to each of them.

(Note that the imagined setting here is in a Filipino home and not in a restaurant.)

Should I act here as I would in Rome?

Not necessarily. The adage “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” applies here only to an extent. For example, you may remain using your utensils even when the locals are eating by their hands — we have certain foods which we think are more savored when eaten by hand — but you, being an honored guest, must always eat in the same table as the host. When in doubt, you can always ask the person nearest to you how you should proceed. Also, it would be better to have a close friend to serve as your liaison to the rest of the group.

What time should I arrive?

The more intimate the social gathering, the more one is expected to arrive on time. Although certain cliques may find it chic to come in late, arriving at the appointed time is never an offense. Curiously though, even if Filipinos are said to be always late in arriving, we always prepare for people to arrive on time. See also, The Filipino Time article.

Should I bring anything?

Anything would be welcome, although some gifts may be more appreciated than others. Wine may not be a very good idea since only a small percentage of Filipinos really enjoy the liquor. Local fruits may also not have a lot of impact; chances are your hosts already have some chilling in the fridge. The safest thing to bring is perhaps some sweets/chocolates, or better yet, something you made yourself with a recipe from your home country. (Note that guests are not really required to bring anything, your gift is only a token of your appreciation for being invited, a form of giving back.)

Why is everyone fussing over me?

Relax — it’s just how we are. Filipinos are known to be accommodating, so just enjoy the attention. We give special treatments to our guests, and to foreigners more so. Expect to be offered the first piece, slice, or serving of everything on the table, and if you finish your food quickly, get ready for a second helping. Don’t hesitate to make requests — but do say so politely — and accept offers with grace and humility.

Would anybody mind if I smoke?

Actually, yes. Cigarettes are a lot cheaper here than in some other countries, and this might tempt the smoker to horde up and puff away. Pay attention, however, to where you smoke: only do it outside of the house or in allotted areas. (Also, refrain from doing it while in a large crowd or in public since Davao has an anti-smoking city ordinance.)

Is it safe to eat this bloody little thing over here?

It depends: do you have a strong stomach? Filipino cuisine may not be the best Asia has to offer, but we do come up with some of the most interesting foods (the balut, adidas, and papait, for example). So if you have a sense of adventure — and the gastronomic tolerance to match it with — then feel free to try all the culinary wonders (in terms of being exotic, that is) that may grace your table. Who knows, you might even develop a liking.

Who pays for what?

In a home setting, the hosts normally provide for everything — from the welcome beverage to the dessert. The guest is only required to bring some good humor and a sense of appreciation. However, if you are visiting a family or group that is not very well-to-do, it is not impolite to slip in some cash to the host to help with the expenses. (Just practice this with discretion, as Filipinos are easily embarrassed.)

When dining in a restaurant, on the other hand, it is often the one who invites who pays for the meal.

What’s after dinner?

There is what we locally call painom, or the drinking session. In this particular form of socializing, it is expected for the guest — or the cause of the celebration — to be the sponsor, as a way for him to show his gratitude. Although the ladies may not join in, few men would refuse to take part in this activity. For Filipinos, the importance of drinking in a group is perhaps indicated by the preferred “family size” bottle, which everybody takes turns to drink from, underscoring how drinking goes beyond just the imbibing of drink — it celebrates social intercourse.

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“Who Pays For What?” And Other Mealtime Queries is written by Gabriel Millado.

Being a foreigner in the Philippines is an interesting experience. On one hand, we Filipinos believe in showering our expat guests and friends with the renowned Filipino friendliness and hospitality. On the other hand, some of us may — unintentionally, more often than not — show a little hesitation, untoward curiosity, perhaps even rudeness and antagonism to foreigners. How, then, should you prepare to deal with people’s reactions towards you when you come to the Philippines?

A good way to do this is to understand how and why Filipinos’ attitudes, impressions and expectations towards non-Filipinos have been formed.

Perhaps it can be explained by the country’s over-three-centuries history under colonial rule. Another could be the propagation of racial and ethnic stereotypes by mass media. We may also take into consideration the stories and anecdotes that our fellow countrymen have shared from their travels abroad, especially with the ever-increasing number of Filipinos who have taken part in what may be considered “the Filipino Diaspora“.

Let’s now take a peek at how other nationalities may be viewed through the eyes of a Filipino:

(Disclaimer: The descriptions cited in this article are taken from the author’s impressions and observations about the general Filipino attitude towards foreigners, and these do not necessarily reflect the author’s own opinion.)

1. Americans

Filipinos have traditionally viewed the United States as the Land of Opportunity, a place where you can live the “American Dream“: a life of wealth, comfort and luxury that most of us can only imagine. This is why Filipinos tend to put most things to do with America on a pedestal.

Americans are often viewed as liberal, generous, outspoken. You may expect to be given excellent, maybe even preferential treatment at many establishments. You might be called “Kano“, short for amerikano, but don’t be alarmed as this is just a Filipino nickname for Americans. If you are male, don’t be surprised if some locals call you “Joe” (from back when there was a significant US military presence in the Philippines — American soldiers were called G.I.s, and G.I. Joe was the catch-all term for the quintessential American soldier) as well.

You will probably encounter plenty of stares as you walk down the street, simply because your appearance is significantly different from everyone else — especially if you have the stereotypical (in Filipinos’ eyes) American looks: tall, fair-skinned, blond-haired and blue-eyed. Some of us may also act reserved when interacting with Americans; this is probably because Americans are much louder and outspoken than we are. A few of us may even be too shy to talk to you, because we are conscious of our heavily-accented English!

2. Japanese

Filipinos admire the Japanese for their excellent work ethic, politeness and innovativeness. The Japanese are also viewed as very traditional, with their own unique set of social norms and etiquette, and most Filipinos are aware of this and will try their best not to infringe on them.

Some of us younger kids were introduced to Japan through anime and other popular TV shows, and hence have also taken a great interest towards the language and culture. You will find that plenty of Filipino youth are pretty well-versed in Japanese pop culture.

Once again, our colonial past may influence some of the Filipinos’ (especially the older generation) slightly negative attitude towards Japan — World War II is still regarded as one of the darkest points in Philippine history.

3. Spanish / Hispanic / Latino:

You will probably find that you have plenty in common with Filipinos besides the surnames! It is likely that you will be treated as a kumpadre (compadre), almost like kin, by your Filipino friends, because of the many similarities in language and culture. Hispanics are viewed as emotional and temperamental — which can be easily understood by Filipinos as we are also a largely emotional and temperamental people.

The popularity of Latin American dramas also adds to this impression; you may find that many of our teleseryes are closely modeled after the famous telenovelas, and Thalia (Marimar) is still a well-known icon!

You may sense a little bit of distrust from the older generation of Filipinos, and this might be explained by the “nasyonalista” sentiment — a vestige of our colonial history and past under Spanish rule. Some of the older folks, however, do take pride in still being able to speak Spanish, and it is also worth mentioning that many of the younger generation have taken a new-found interest in the language and the obvious Hispanic influence on our culture.

4. Chinese

The Philippines has had plenty of ties with China, going as far back to our pre-colonial, pre-Christianization period. The ethnic Chinese population in the Philippines is quite substantial, and many of positions of power, especially in the business world, are held by Chinese.

Smart, business-minded, “kuripot” (frugal, to put a more positive spin to it—stingy, if used in a negative sense): these are a few adjectives that Filipinos might say about Chinese. The Chinese are also considered very hardworking and family-oriented.

5. Indians

The layman term for Indians (and even other South Asian nationalities) is “Bumbay”, derived from the old name of the city of Mumbai. The general impression about Indians is that they are clever and money-oriented, perhaps because of the stereotypical “5-6 lender“, who charges a nominal 20% interest to borrowers, often small-time business or store owners. They were there even before micro-financing becomes a popular buzzword in the Philippines.

Racism And Discrimination

Some of the opinions that Filipinos have towards foreigners can be off-the-mark, even bordering on racist. It’s unfortunate, but the reality is that racism can exist everywhere, and not just towards foreigners — some people even discriminate against their own countrymen!

This doesn’t mean, however, that Filipinos are inherently racist! Negative and/or wrong stereotypes are brought about by ignorance and mis-education, and this certainly holds true in a country such as the Philippines. The best way to correct this type of attitude is, without a doubt, education — and who else would be a better teacher than yourself, the expert on your own identity? So the next time someone makes a wrong assumption about you based on your nationality or ethnicity, take it in good humor, but don’t forget to correct the mistake by showing him the positive traits you are proud to have!

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Davao 4 Expats Notes: If there is one article on this website that you should read, it is this one. The Expats In The Eyes Of The Filipino is written by Katlyn Batuigas.