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A few years ago I made one of the biggest life-altering decisions that anyone could undertake: packing my bags and moving to another country. My first several days as an “alien” in Singapore were exciting and exhilarating; the sights, smells and sounds were so different from what I had grown up with back home in the Philippines. I moved into my room, spruced it up with my colorful flower-print bed sheet, stuffed toys and a handmade dreamcatcher given as farewell gifts from friends, photos of loved ones up on my wall, and my guitar tucked away in a corner. I was all geared up for a new school, new friends, a new life, some 3000 miles away from home.

Needless to say, the “honeymoon” period came and went, before I was even aware that I had been in one. It started with the little things: “Why does the sun rise at 7 a.m. instead of 5:45—I almost slept through my alarm!”, “They cook spaghetti weirdly in this boarding school—bland and watery”, “NINE dollars (quick conversion in my head: two hundred seventy pesos) for a movie ticket?? I could watch four movies with that in Davao”… and unfortunately, things didn’t seem to be looking up anytime soon. I was doing unsatisfactorily in school. I had made new friends but they couldn’t seem to compare with my old friends back home. I missed my house, good home-cooked meals and most of all I missed my family. I resented almost everything about this new place, and wondered: Did I make a very big mistake in coming here?

This was one of my earliest and biggest encounters with culture shock, and virtually every person travelling to or moving to another country is bound to experience culture shock as well.

Why Do We Get Culture Shock?

Our personal identity is partly shaped by the community that we live in and belong to. When we move to another country, the familiar is now replaced by foreign landscapes, cultures and lifestyles. Our personal identity is thus threatened, and we respond with varying degrees of anxiety and confusion. This is what we refer to as culture shock.

In our own home community, we know how people interact with each other and the environment according to certain “rules” that we have learned over the years—we know how things are supposed to work. In a new foreign community, however, we discover that things don’t work the way they always have. For example, in your hometown, it may be customary for strangers to give greetings as they pass each other on the sidewalk, but on the streets of a new city you find, to your astonishment, that people don’t even acknowledge one another! You know that there are different “rules”, but you don’t know what they are and whether you’re violating any of them. Culture shock is hence also brought about by all sorts of insecurities that arise from this feeling of being in the dark.

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Katlyn Batuigas has lived in Singapore and the US and has traveled in other countries as tourist. In this article on Culture Shock she offers her insights based on her personal experiences and the way she handled it.

The second part of this article will be on tips on how to lessen the impact of culture shock.

Below are some pointers that can help foreigners interact with Filipinos in general and Davaoeños (local folks in Davao) in particular. These are applicable in common social situations.

Social Gatherings and Meeting People

What To Wear

For less formal gatherings such as casual parties and meals especially here in Davao, a decidedly more laidback city compared to Manila, many people (men and women alike) usually pair jeans with nice casual polo shirts (for men) and blouses (for women).

For the ladies, it is important to dress tastefully. Showing “too much skin” is frowned upon, and it is better to err on the side of caution and dress a little more conservatively.

Meet The Parents… Kuyas, Titos, and everyone else too

Filipino society revolves around core family values, one of these being respect to the elderly. The oldest person in a gathering is usually the most important and accorded the most respect.

Remember The Title

Address people with Mr., Mrs., Ms or titles such as Dr., Atty., Engr., and their family name. Wait until you are invited to use given name or even a nick name.

We Shake Hands, Too

A smile and a polite (not too firm) handshake are acceptable for greeting new people.

Meeting Time

In large social gatherings, it is usually fine to arrive 15 – 30 minutes late. Even an hour late is acceptable for VIPs. For business meetings, however, everyone is expected to be on time.

To learn more about Filipino Time, click here.

For The Real Gentlemen

For men, a gentlemanly attitude and manners are very much appreciated. Go ahead and hold the door open for the ladies!

Dining Manners And All

Who will pay?

In general, the person who invites pays for the meal, but as a guest be prepared to offer to pay as well (your offer will usually be declined).

Home Dining

If you are invited to a meal at your host’s home, bring a gift or token to show your appreciation. A couple of good examples would be a basket of fresh fruits (easy to find, and better yet, cheap, in Davao), drinks (such as wine) that can be shared after the meal. Compliment the host and his/her spouse on their home.

Don’t begin eating until the host invites to do so

Your host may offer you an alcoholic drink (usually either beer or wine) to go with the meal. It’s fine to refuse if you don’t drink or do not want to drink. If you do take up the offer, remember that getting drunk is frowned upon

During meals, the general rule is to help yourself. You may offer to serve some of the food or pour a drink for the person seated next to you, but it is fine not to do so

Spoons, Knives, Chopsticks or just Toothpick?

Spoons and forks are almost always used during meals. Sometimes chopsticks may be used, if dining at an Asian restaurant. Less frequently, people may eat using their own hands, but this is usually done at very informal and casual settings. (Besides, there is an art to eating with your hands, and it takes a lot of practice before you are able to feed yourself properly without making a mess.) It’s fine not to follow what other guests are using and just use whatever you’re comfortable with

Don’t Eat The Last Donut: Filipino Style

It is acceptable to not finish all of the food and say you are full. “Sayang!” The last morsel of the dish is usually just left on the table.

What To Do Next?

Don’t immediately leave after meals; lingering and a little bit of chit-chat is expected

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This article on Social Etiquette To Observe In Davao and The Philippines is written by Katlyn Batuigas.